Wow. So I'm back today.
I haven't been on for a few days and it's been really interesting.
My bestest friends came to visit and it was amazingly fun...
but it was also really hard too. I really wanted to talk to them and tell them how I feel and how things are going, but I feel like I had to wear this facade and pretend that I'm in love with college. The truth is that I miss them terribly every single day. I wish we could all go to college together and party and go through tough times and grow together like we did in high school. I miss being around their amazing influence.

I've really been kind of anti social because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to get new friends because I already have friends. I know that you can always expand and add new friends without getting rid of the old ones, but its hard.
I don't want to change how it was. I had a hard time with my friends coming up because I knew they'd leave again and I would have to readjust myself to college life without them...all over again.
So Melissa, you aren't alone. It's really hard for me too and I feel like it's easy for everyone else. But I'm afraid to show it. Because I feel like I have to be strong so that others won't think I'm emotionally messed up :)
Even though I am.
I'm a girl, it's what I do.

But don't despair readers,
Even though I was kind of sad, I did get some comfort . I was going to go to a fireside last night, but they didn't have any more room so they weren't letting anyone else in. So I dejectedly walked back home. Lucky for me, my uncle called and invited me over. They just moved so now they're about ten minutes away. So I went over there and we talked for like three hours. Somehow I became excited about life again. I'm going to take classes I want to. Who cares about when I graduate? I sure don't. And I'm not getting married for a while, so I've got time to spend my dinero on college.
I think I might take a math class. Yes, math. Maybe even calculus. I'm feeling every optimistic about this.
In Sunday School I was really contemplative of who I am as a person. There are a lot of things I wish I did better. I want to be someone that is firmly anchored. I wish I was a better example. I got called to a position that I'm excited about, but I'm also apprehensive. I'm only 18 and I'm not the most amazing person I know. I hope HF knows that because I definitely don't feel adequate for the job, but I'm going to do my best anyway.
For the last three years or so I've been leaning on my friends to keep me going and to keep my head above water. I didn't realize thats what I was doing until I got up to Logan. I am so grateful for the amazing people I've been with in high school. If it weren't for them, I'd probably be inactive. I don't know if I can ever repay my friends for the little things they've done and the reputable examples they've been to me. They're people I want to emulate.

But mostly right now,
I'm trying to make it through this week.
Month. Semester. Year. Life. :)