I just did two hours of the most boring thing ever invented. Aka drawing negative space.

Not the most fun thing I've ever done. (Understatement of the year.)


I just want to share with you a quote of the day if you will.
It was a text that I thought was really funny. :)
"I was going to call you a gem, but it came out hen and you're definitely not one of those."
-Melissa

Last night I went to FHE for once and it was ... alright. There wasn't much to do because none of my roommates can hula hoop, limbo, or play ultimate. So we just walked around and played a little volleyball. The most fun part was dressing up. We all wore matching skirts and coconut bras over our shirts. We were super cute ;)
But this morning I sort of skipped running because I was up so late last night.
Oh well. I'm going to my first institute class today and I really hope that I like it. I was going to go to a New Testament class, but we studied that last year in seminary and I had institute choir at the same time. So I'll just go to my Teachings of the Living Prophets class today. :)

New resolution: I'm considering taking a Spanish class next year.

Now, on to some deeper topics.
Katie and I talk about the meaning of life a lot. A guy we met says that he has discovered it, so he sends her emails about what he's discovered, and we discuss them. Things that I think about are two questions I always ask myself. What is my purpose? and What specifically do I have to live for? My goal is to discover this and hopefully find myself in the process.
I was talking to Wilenys the other day and she really struck a chord with me. We were chatting about life and I was letting her talk a lot. She paused and asked why I was so quiet. So I said that I was just thinking about how great our friends were and how I wish I could be like them. And she totally confronted me and said (I'm paraphrasing) 'You're amazing too you know, you can't just be friends with incredible people and then be the odd one out' So I was pondering that one for a while. But later on last night I was talking to Eric about life and he asked if I was happy. I said, that I'm alright and he replied, "Hopefully you are happy cause basically you are cooler than any boy. That is my story and I am sticking with it." It made me smile because I thought about why Eric thinks I'm so great. I did some soul searching so that I could figure out why my friends think I'm cool at all. I'm not really sure...but it feels nice to know that I matter to somebody. And if I matter to them, then I gotta be worth something right? Some thing really precious because otherwise, they wouldn't waste their time with me. My goal is to find out who I am. And I hope that maybe I can help some people along the way. I want to share the tender mercies that have been shown to me with someone else.
I just read something Alan said about how it's nice to be reliving old memories, but it's time to make new ones. I'd like to comment that I'm impressed with that idea. I don't know if I could stick to that right now. Life is pretty tough getting used to so far. So, maybe I'll make that my slogan in a few months. :)
I read Melissa's blog and I realized some things. I also want to love life again. I remember that I used to a really long time ago. Okay, so it was like... last summer. Or maybe before. I can't even recall anymore. I do know that I've had times when I finally felt okay about life, but I didn't feel overwhelming joy. I remember that this spring and summer were a part of those "I'm in a good place right now" times where I was mostly content with who I was and what I did. I always say that I don't know what I'm missing, but I do. It's the little things. You know, the swiss army knife answers.
I know what I need to do to be happy, it's just slow going right now. There's some big changes occurring within, so watch out.
I also read Thatcher's blog and I gotta say that I'm kind of glad that you're having a tough time buddy. It's amazing to me how optimistic people can be in the face of adversity, because I'm not one of those people and I sincerely wish I was. I'm sorry that it's not so easy right now, but it makes me feel a little better that I'm not alone in this. I also really hope that things get better for you.

I gotta say now that I'm grateful for the trials I've been put through for the last month. It's been excruciatingly difficult and painful and I know it's not over yet, but I think I'm on the up and up. I actually have a hint of motivation starting to grow inside me and I feel like maybe, just maybe, I can do this.

Sorry this post was so long, but I felt like I had a lot to say, a lot to get out. Think about what I've said. Maybe it's nothing special, but maybe it'll help. Who knows?


I've also decided that I need a slogan so here it is:
Life's a garden. Dig it.

Cherish ya later.